The Intriguing Setup

Unremarkable computer programmer Michael Parsnip staggered backwards in pain, having clumsily bashed his head into the door he had just tried to open. He had swung the door inwards against his own left foot, then failed to check his body’s advance as he moved forward, causing him to walk into it in such a way as might have been funny had he not been fleeing for dear life at this moment.

"Ha ha ha," taunted his one-armed albino midget assailant, "That’s gotta hurt!"

Michael, still staggering like a buffalo would if it were for some reason hit very hard between the eyes with a flat-iron, didn’t know which was worse, the pain in the bridge of his nose, or the obnoxious remark. Both, he supposed, paled in comparison with what was about to happen anyway. Why did he have to be so brilliant as to accidentally uncover the secret code that was buried in the pages of the New Testament? Only too late did he perceive the crouching dangers lying in wait for those who delve too deep into the secret pond of forbidden knowledge.

As the midget raised his tedious but historically significant weapon for the fatal blow, all the while muttering incoherently in Latin, Michael pondered a while longer on what a terrible waste it would be for him to leave this world and take the terrible secret with him; for ironically, or perhaps fittingly– no, ironically, I’m almost positive– only Michael could know just how utterly and forever lost the knowledge would be should he be killed, since the knowledge and/or secret he had discovered pertained to nothing less than the very nature of Death itself!