Batman is all about revenge and/or proving something to himself. He is full of the kind of pointless internal conflict that only a truly narcissistic poor little rich boy could carry all the way into his adult life. When he talks he sounds like a dick who needs to make himself more threatening, like you’d better not laugh at him or he’ll be real mad.

Iron Man is about penance, but not in the Christian self-flagellating way. Tony Stark is full of swagger and thankfully devoid of brooding introspection. When he realizes how much damage his enterprises have caused, instead of voluntarily checking himself into some godforsaken Asian gulag he decides to do something useful about it; Instead of dicking around searching for masochistic ways to build character he just gets to work building a kick-ass suit that can fly.

Batman appears to be inexplicably strong with virtually unlimited agility and endurance, surpassing any weightlifter, gymnast or athlete, and this just makes no sense. Especially when he can apparently be beaten senseless by a skinny lunatic in a purple suit. His accessories are compromised by having to be entirely bat-themed– like a throwing star isn’t enough; it has to be freakin bat-shaped. He rides a “batcycle” with tires so wide that it shouldn’t even be able to take a corner, and he uses machine guns to clear a path for this monstrosity– What a douche.

Iron Man has no problem with technology providing all the muscle, and being unencumbered by flying rodent vermin obsessions he can put whatever damn features he needs in his suit. He is ready to experiment and try new things. He is able to appear human and doesn’t need to hide his alter ego. He’s flawed, he knows it, but he’s not obsessed with beating the living shit out of himself for it.

Bruce Wayne comes off creepy, because he is always living a lie while fancying himself a martyr walking among the sheep he so selflessly defends. Tony Stark comes off as real, he knows who he is and he doesn’t try to hide it.

Also, Christian Bale is a bit of a dick, totally disappointing in the role of John Connor in T4, and sounding like he’s about to hock a loogie whenever he speaks in his Batman voice. Robert Downey Jr on the other hand has wit and charisma, and somehow manages to be twice the actor while only taking himself half as seriously.