Actually the MacGuffin in question is called the Loom of Fate, but I think Death is punchier.

A member of the ancient fraternity of assassins decodes the name of their next target.

Apart from being the dumbest movie in the history of dumbness, Wanted was actually quite enjoyable. If you can ignore the terrible plot, the terrible acting and the fact that parts of it feel like a ripoff of the Matrix 5 years after everyone else got bored with ripping off the Matrix, it’s kind of exciting sort of… in a morally reprehensibly kind of way.

Spoiler summary

Wanted is all about how much you and I suck for being ordinary, and how much better our lives would be if we went around murdering people at the behest of an ancient loom which acts as God’s answering machine (inexplicably, the names woven into the fabric by the breath of God are interpreted as conferring an execution order, rather than, say, an honorary sainthood). A subplot involves a man fighting to do what’s right and yet never finding the time to send an email or pick up the phone when it would be really frikking useful for him to do so, thus condemning himself and countless others to pointless and bloody deaths. Also, candle-lit baths are apparently incredibly good for you, as is subsisting solely on a diet of pork.

PS: Morgan Freeman has exceeded his movie quota and should be banned from acting for at least a year. It’s just getting ridulous— does he even change his shirt between roles these days?

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